So a few days ago I asked one of my students if he had finished his review packet yet and his response was, "Don't worry about it, baby."
"Um, did you just call me baby?"
"I talk to all my women that way"
At which point, I told him he needed to step out into the hallway where I had a three minute conversation covering everything that was wrong with calling his teacher baby and why I was not and did not appreciate being called his woman.

On that note, I'm getting better at keeping a straight face, which really isn't saying too much.

On a slightly other note, where was the attention from high school boys 8 years ago? I mean, I think I got hit on more the first two weeks as a teacher than my entire college career.

Lately class has been a little ho-hum, except for a more disturbing event, so I thought that I would catch you up with a few of my favorites so far:

*I mispronounced a student’s name, Quire, as “queer” the first day of school.

*One of my students showed me a picture that he drew of the small town my school is located in. It was basically cornfield, cornfield, cornfield, and a McDonalds in the very corner.  Fairly accurate.

*I have a semi-cranky old janitor who usually cleans my room.  After a staff meeting where we were told that the school was on academic probation, I told the janitor about it and this is what he said: “I’m not surprised.  If we were in China or one of them places, we would take most of these dumb kids out there (gestures to courtyard) and shoot ‘em in the head.  That would keep ‘em in line.”  

*A mouse is temporarily liberated from his fate as snake food and runs under the door into my classroom.  Of course, pandemonium ensues. One of my students swears he will not rest until he catches it.  The mouse is cornered behind my desk for a good 10 minutes.  Apparently a similar thing happened to my friend Jenny who teaches next door…except one of her students accidentally squished it like a tube of toothpaste under her shoe.

*One of my ditziest students asks me randomly during a mitosis lab, “Miss Fix, how do you heal a broken heart?”

*One of my students, “You actually live here, don’t you.  I’m going to prove to it.”

*I guess during observation, my principal tallied how many times I said "OK".  Apparently it was 32.  To be fair, class is 88 minutes long and I like to stay on task.  However, while he was discussing this observation, I  replied, "Ok. Ok, I'll work on it."

Intro

“You should write a blog dedicated to your awkward teaching stories. I know there are lots. and I need more laughing (at you) in my life."

 

These words, posted in the usual loving manner by a singular well missed college roommate Vickie Chambers**, have inspired the creation of this blog.  It is therefore appropriately dedicated to the awkward stories generated during my first year of teaching high school science.  Well, let’s face it, the awkward stories that will continue to be generated during my entire teaching career, as long as I don’t get fired due to a shitty economy and the fad of using teachers as scapegoats for the horrid state of our nation’s education system.

Anyways, I have a lot of catching up to do, but let’s get to the teaching story of the day:

a)      Topic of the class period: introduction to acids and bases

b)      One property of acids and bases is that they are corrosive.  What does that mean class?

c)      One of my students decides that it would be a good idea to drink an acidic solution

d)      Me, right before he tries to chug from a beaker: “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

e)      Student during aftermath: “Miss Fix is serious when she swears.” 

Ok, so the solution of HCl in the beaker after the antacid tablet was added was probably less acidic than the soda he chugged at lunch, but I’m a little worried about this generation.

**she really means laughing with me…at least that’s what I will pretend.  Also, Vickie is not allowed to comment on any grammatical errors in this blog.  I know it’s important, but I don’t teach grammar, and she knows that I often write run-ons.